Our fellowship started out around what any good gathering has- BBQ. Courtesy of the Feed Store and Krissa's awesome desserts, we were all set.
For the study part of our time together, Ross thanked everyone for submitting questions; And by everyone, Ross meant Will and Susan. They submitted enough questions to last us at least three or four more meetings and we are grateful to them for that!
Andy and Cory were asked to relive the "kiss for a lifetime" and their awesome wedding night celebration of… Going to the Tigers/Ranger game with their wedding party.
We learned that Will and Susan dated for 4 to 5 years before getting married in a on-again off-again relationship. One of the highlights that Susan related to us was before she broke up with Will, she had him come over and fix her bike. One of the defining moments for Will was receiving a letter from Susan when he had a broken ankle, while Susan pointed to a conversation with Will during a tough time when her parents were going through a divorce. They both worked at the same place and often carpooled together and that's when things got serious. Awesome story of patience and persistence!
Mike and Melissa's story is the classic bad boy/ good girl story. (Ed note- my interpretation!). They met at A&M (whoop!). In all classic bad boy/good girl stories, a bar is involved. Melissa is dancing and is noticed by Mike but Mike doesn't have enough money for the cover charge to get in. Mike and his three friends the side that two of them will pool their resources to go into the bar, while the other two will take the car and go somewhere else. So, Mike and his friend gets to go into the bar and he notices Melissa and they talk and talk some more, and before they know what they are the last ones there, and Mike is without a ride. Melissa doesn't buy his story but she gives them a ride in the end. They studied together, dated, fell in love, and Melissa reformed Mike.
A very funny side story involving Mike was during his freshman year, and his first day of class. He was the quintessential California surfer boy, driving a VW van, & wearing sandals. He also went to the same school Fast Times at Ridgemont high was filmed. Insert Spiccoli joke here.
Mike rode his skateboard to his petroleum engineering class as a freshman. He was five minutes late and the professor simply stop talking when Mike sat down. The professor assigned seats and knew Mike's name, which Mike found astonishing, given the size of the class. Long story short, he was asked to leave class on his first day being told that sandals and skateboards are not allowed in class.
Mike rode his skateboard to his petroleum engineering class as a freshman. He was five minutes late and the professor simply stop talking when Mike sat down. The professor assigned seats and knew Mike's name, which Mike found astonishing, given the size of the class. Long story short, he was asked to leave class on his first day being told that sandals and skateboards are not allowed in class.
Greg and Krissa's story is a little bit different, mainly because Greg (per Krissa) was a "ladies man", and that made her leery of his intentions. He was persistent and wore Krissa down. A good side story here is that Ross and Greg knew each other at Texas Tech, and according to Ross, he stepped over Greg many times late at night.
We allow our readers to connect the dots here.
The Meat
We have seasons and stages of life: getting to class on time, wedding celebrations, pursuit of vocation and other interests, pursuit of God.
Priorities and ranking those priorities in terms of importance is relevant to us tonight, but we are not ready to reminisce just yet. The next part of life what does God have in store for us? What are his designs for us right now and in this next season of life?
We need to make sure that our mission is significant and our purpose is intentional at the stage we are in.
Mike: recent thoughts on this stage of life ending as Heather is closing in on her senior year. Sees the end with her leaving and is wondering what will be next.
Ross: We want to have diligence and not just exist for the sake of existing.
Krissa: we want to be purposeful and have a plan that honors God.
Susan: it has been an adjustment with the boys being gone, but there is a joy of watching them now at a different stage. It was a joy watching them through high school and then all of a sudden we were not watching.
Karen: fellowship has to be intentional, and doesn't happen. In fact, it's a lot easier to avoid fellowship all together at this stage and just be.
Will: we have our roles and progression within those roles. We give wings to our children and become less of a "parent" and more of an advisor. God has equipped us to minister and serve but we are to keep our eyes wide open. We do not want to coast and pursue leisure. We are in the prime time of serving because we have time.
Ross: we have opportunities and we must take them and choose that over apathy. Ross asks the question to us all – do you run with your work folks? Almost all of us answered "no". Krissa takes her role very seriously at the workplace because she is more of a psychiatrist and takes that role as a blessing from God while having a tremendous amount of autonomy because of Greg. She has many opportunities to share Jesus.
Ross makes a note of us pouring out to others but asked and even more pertinent question – who is pouring in to you?
Thus, the genesis of 41:10 fellowship.
At this point the courtship of Ross and Karen is discussed. Karen has a boyfriend, they all meet at Pizza Hut but Ross and Karen do not have any conversation, Karen thinks Ross is cute. Karen is advised by her friends with a big "no way" about getting involved with Ross. As is the case with many women, that bad boy is like magnet to steel! Karen breaks up with her boyfriend and December they went out and Ross was a jerk and then became awesome later. Karen's parents divorced and she met Ross the night of her mom telling her they were getting a divorce and Ross, surprisingly, was a good comfort to her. That made an impact on her. They dated for two years and now They've been married 30 years thanks to many nights of prayers by Karen early in their marriage(!).
The Questions
Why is it hard to let God, and his perfect timing, work things out?
Karen: the timing of God is conditioning our hearts so that we may grow in patience. But because we do not have patience we lose out on the conditioning. We don't want the work of our heart being conditioned but when we experience tough things we grow.
Ross: we do not fully trust God. We like to take control because we are Do'ers.
Will: we want to see God working it out but God works it out when we surrender. It's been good to see Tappen owning his faith. We've been waiting to see it become his own. The pain of seeing our kids not surrender is real but the incredible joy in seeing the reality of their faith becoming their own is tremendous. Getting rid of the "Christian cape" is what we all need to do. (Ed- I thought the Christian Cape, it was spot on and I've never heard that before. Excellent)
Ross: we hinder our kids by holding on and not letting them find their way.
Susan: it's simply a fear of letting go ceding control to God and trusting him for his plan. The changes in our home have been dynamic but we see growth in all of our family. Zoe, Tappen
Cory: in many ways I think "I'm not up for this". But I'm learning to trust him more.
Will: my question is "what is normal?" Is it pain-free, predictable? We would like it to be both but it's just not reality. I think of the velveteen rabbit and skin horse – "reality" does it hurt? Yes, sometimes it really does.
(Ed- I think of Lucy and Mr. Beaver in a conversation about the safety of believing/trusting God.
Mr. Beaver: “Aslan is a lion- the Lion, the great Lion."
"Ooh" said Susan. "I'd thought he was a man. Is he-quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion"
Mr. Beaver: "Safe?...Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you.”)
Ross: it's not like we haven't been forewarned. We have. Fear comes from not trusting.
Greg: I think of Moses and the opportunity he had to stay in Egypt or go with his people. He chose the unknown, the unsafe route, and went with his people.
Cory: I think of my father sharing a quote by Charles Spurgeon about learning to kiss the wave that throws me.
Melissa: I think of Joseph and all the things that he went through and how he learned to walk in what God gave him. We need to learn to walk in the things and circumstances that God gives us.
Krissa starts a conversation and discussion which all of the men in the room fully embrace with glad hearts – tongue and tone!
Mike chuckles and says rather innocently, "I am unaware of my tone". We know that our delivery is often a key to what is received, but it is the challenge of parenting, coaching, and leading to deliver words seasoned with grace and truth. (Ed- A continuing challenge for me, but one that I am embracing).
Mike: we are in the role of encouragement. Our kids want to know that we believe in them? Our kids are asking, "do you believe in me?"
If time is short what should we do about it?
This goes from the general to the specific, or rather general versus specific. Are we desiring what God desires for us? What are God's dreams for us?
Cory: sometimes a season of rest is good for us! I am ready for a season of rest. Perhaps the worst culprit in all of this are well-meaning Christian organizations that keep us busy with activity. I'd like to see us redeem that time.
Susan: part of the problem that I see is we do not take this Sabbath seriously. There are no Sabbaths anymore.
Krissa: we've got to take back the time, protect our family, and guard our family specifically guard the time. When I step back that's what God specifically spoke to me about – protecting our family protecting the time. Cory reminds Krissa about the cake in third grade- and that brings some laughter.
Will: I'm going to the store in sweats but in our area going to the store in sweats can be a huge crime because it's not fashionable.
Ross: we sacrifice time on many altars. Is the sacrifice worthy? We have a corrupted environment and that's why it's so important that our minds get renewed so we can go back in and have an impact.
Looking back has many benefits and can cast a great vision for us in the future. Redeeming the time to shift perspective to what matters is essential. The eternal is all that matters and that's what we should be passing on.
Cory: all hard work brings a profit and it may not be how you saw the hard work coming to fruition i.e., the net result. Opportunity comes disguised as hard work, but we want the results of the hard work immediately but that's just not how it works.
(Ed- One of my favorite adages is this – the reward for hard work is having produced it, the reward for effort is that you become something by it, great or poor effort shapes us and our children)
Mike brings up a pretty good point in that where do we draw the line of personal excellence in our professions and being excellent at home? How much time is too much time? How much time is enough? Do I leave what needs to be done at work in order to be at home? I don't want to leave it for somebody else and I don't want to pick up someone else's work that they felt didn't need to be done, but really did need to get done.
Cory shares the story of our good friend and his family up north. He was sitting in church on a Sunday morning when a work associate texted him and asked him "where are you?" It was at that point he decided to tender his resignation and not miss any more of his kids activities or family centered stuff.
Will: it's good for our children to see us work and work hard. It sets a standard. But I can remember at one point in my job I had not seen my son awake for a week. And that was it epiphany for me to make a change.
Ross: once you've done it once like that, that's enough. No regrets in building a business but I cannot get the time back that I spent doing that in terms of seeing my kids early on.
(Ed- I didn't share this that night, but for all of the money we may have "sacrificed", I will always be grateful for God giving us the opportunity to have Cory stay home with the boys and us living just a mile away from our first school. The quality of life we've always had I'll be eternally grateful and I know that our boys have benefited from the fruit of us not chasing down a dream or dreams. We've never felt that we've locked for anything of substance and I hope our boys have never felt that way either.)
Just before dessert, Mike asked the question, "if the fires are burning can you walk away?". I thought that was a great question because it's not safe to walk away from a fire still burning.
We eat an awesome dessert prepared by Krissa, we spike our glycemic index to abnormally high rates and Ross puts in a dip.
Will: in talking about attitudes and efforts of our children. We cannot want for them. They have to be willing to work hard on their own.
Ross: God says simply to rest. And to love the way that he loves us.
Melissa: we went to an event called "race to nowhere" and I came away with determined thought that we cannot be everything to everybody. Our culture and this area in particular, lends itself to chasing down everything and it goes nowhere. The striving for things that just don't matter is exhausting and puts pressure where it doesn't need to be.
Cory: I have students that walk into my office weekly and seem to worry about test scores, where they'll go to school and if their best is good enough. We have to remind them consistently and constantly it is not the measure of who they are. Our identity cannot be grounded in the temporary.
Ross: comparison is Satan's playground. He also said Mike was right but I cannot remember what Mike was right about, but apparently it was a milestone that Ross acknowledged Mike being right!
Andy: brought up the website trainugly.com and the testing they did in regard to performance based praise and effort based praise. The sum of who we are is not in our results but it is in the effort we put forth. That says a lot more about us then the results we get.
Will: teaching our kids about love, sacrifice, and serving is much more important than the skills we learned in athletics, academics, and art. I don't want to work the same way anymore, I want to abandon myself to the cause of Christ.
(Ed- Learning how to throw a curveball, hit a curveball, or any other sport skill isn't going to help that kid become a better husband, employee, or Christian)
Andy: The questions to our kids need to be reframed from "what are you going to do when you graduate college?" to "how are you going to impact the kingdom/people?"
asking questions that require more than a one-word answer, provoking introspection and thought.
Prayer requests:
Andy- Provision and direction
Karen- Direction
Group assignment: choosing one word as a focus for the remainder of 2016.
Great time of truth seeking. I'll leave you all with a quote from CS Lewis from his book, The Problem of Pain:
We are, not metaphorically but in very truth, a Divine work of art, something that God is making, and therefore something with which He will not be satisfied until it has a certain character. Here again we come up against what I have called the “intolerable compliment.” Over a sketch made idly to amuse a child, an artist may not take much trouble: he may be content to let it go even though it is not exactly as he meant it to be.
But over the great picture of his life—the work which he loves, though in a different fashion, as intensely as a man loves a woman or a mother a child—he will take endless trouble—and would doubtless, thereby give endless trouble to the picture if it were sentient. One can imagine a sentient picture, after being rubbed and scraped and re-commenced for the tenth time, wishing that it were only a thumb-nail sketch whose making was over in a minute. In the same way, it is natural for us to wish that God had designed for us a less glorious and less arduous destiny; but then we are wishing not for more love but for less.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain
― C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain
